Darrel's Domain
from humorist Dave Barry's book Dave Barry in Cyberspace
"Electricity is supplied by the wall socket, which is in turn connected to the electrical company via big overhead wires with squirrels running on them.
"A question many people ask ... is, 'How come the squirrels don't get electrocuted?' To answer that question, we need to understand exactly what an electrical circuit is.
"When you turn on a switch, electricity flows through the wire into the appliance, where it is converted via a process called electrolysis into tiny microwaves. These fly around inside the oven area until they locate the Hungry Hombre Heat 'n' Eat Hearty Burrito entree; they then signal the location to each other by slapping their tails in a distinctive pattern. The workers, or drones, then penetrate the fallopian tubes and swarm around the queen; this causes the rapid warming that makes the entree edible and leads via amino acids, to digestion.
"This is followed by grunting and flushing, with the outflow traveling via underground pipes to the sewage treatment plant, which in turn releases purified water into the river, where it is used to form waterfalls, which rotate the giant turbines that produce the electricity that flows through wires back to your appliance, thereby completing the circuit.
"So we see that squirrels have nothing whatsoever to do with it. There is no need for you to worry about squirrels; believe me, they are not worrying about you."
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