I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
Someday we’ll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
Tell me what you need and I’ll tell you ho to get along without it.
Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren’t there the first time you need them, then chances are you won’t be needing them again.
I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, “Where the heck is the ceiling?!”
My reality check bounced.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
I don’t suffer from stress. I’m a carrier.
You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, ‘cuz, like, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
If you have any news that you wish to share, let me know and I will add it here.